yesterday my heart broke for two little girls that i just adore at ithemba. one of my teammates, sarah, told me that at church on sunday at ithemba, one of the girls that i spend a lot of time with, gretchen, she was crying and asking for me. (gretchen is the one in my picture to the left, she is the girl in the middle.) she wouldn't talk to anyone else. it worried me , and i was concerned. i got to ithemba yesterday and i saw her. i asked her if she was alright. she said no and i asked her what was wrong. she shrugged her shoulders and said nothing. finally i got her to tell me that it was her mom. i asked if her mom was ok, she said yes and then told me that her mom hit her. after she told me she got nervous and said she had to go home. i also found out that she didn't stay at home all weekend. she was staying with noomsa, one of the ladies that works at ithemba. about ten minutes later i saw caithlyn, her ten year old sister. (caithlyn is on the far right in my picture) caithlyn was laying on the floor, bawling her eyes out. i went over and picked her up, asked her what was wrong. she just sat in my lap and cried really hard. i asked her if she wanted to go sit in the classroom alone with me and talk. she did, so we went in there. i sat and just held her for probably half an hour while she cried. i asked her if she wanted to talk. i told her she could trust me, and that she wouldnt get in trouble for telling me. i told her that i loved her and cared about her and wanted to help her. at first she told me that she fell down, thats why she was crying. obviously, that's not what it was. i told her that she needed to tell me what was really wrong and she said that she missed her father. she said her father was in prison and her mom wont tell her why because its so bad. she said that they used to go visit him but now they dont because her mom has new boyfriends. i asked her if her moms boyfriends were mean to her, she said they hurt her. my heart just broke for her. i sat there with tears coming down my face as she laid in my lap crying, i dont even know exactly how long i sat there holding her. eventually i asked her if she wanted to color with me. so we sat at the table and colored pictures for eachother. she colored a picture of her crying and me holding her hand. she drew flowers and the sun on it & wrote god loves you rae. i love you. it was so sweet. then i asked her if she wanted to read my bible with me, she did. she told me about a chapter in psalms that she memorized. so i asked her if she wanted to memorize one with me. we're memorizing psalm 91: 2 " i will say of the lord, " he is my refuge and my fortress, my god, in whom i trust." i sat and explained the verse to her and she practiced it for a little bit. i know that something else, something deeper is going on in their house. it breaks my heart to see these two girls, who i love to death, so upset. i feel like god has put such a desire in my heart to help them. ive never felt a feeling so strong. my heart hurts so bad for them. i absolutly love and adore the two of them. keep them in your prayers, and pray for their mother and their younger sister as well. also, pray that god gives me the words to say to them as i try to help them.

im feeling really exhausted lately. i feel like i have so much going on everyday. im involved in three different ministries this semester: ithemba, deo doxa, & jot class. i absolutly love what im doing, i wouldnt want to be anywhere else. im just getting really tired. i have so much on my mind too. what i want to do this summer, whether i want to go home or stay, where to work, what to do. i dont know what i am supposed to do next year. i have a few options. i just feel like i need to figure it out sometime soon but its kinda tough. i dont know where im meant to go. im praying that god shows me and i have to trust he will, he always has. even if that means he doesnt tell me until may 15 when im supposed to leave. i need to trust him.